It truly is amazing how by practicing staying present and open, I feel like I reached a new level of understanding of what it means to allow and let go.
I have talked about struggling with finding where my next step should lead, what is my purpose. And as I mentioned it to few good friends, I mostly got some sort of advise, an opinion about this or that. However one of my friends, I’ll call her C. listened to me and all she said was that as she meditates things become clear. Well that sounded great…for her. But what was I to do?
Few days after our conversation I felt like picking up A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle again. It proved to be a good thing to listen to my feeling. As I was flipping through the pages, reading my notes, I came to chapter “Your Inner Purpose”. Wow, I though, that is exactly what i need.
I read the book before, yet this particular chapter did not resonate with me at that time. However, now as I was reading it I felt silly, as I actually became overwhelmed with emotion and happiness, as if I found something incredible. Exactly what I was looking for. My purpose is not meant to be found externally by me! I should not be looking at outside for that purpose! It is inside where I must look.
Here is what Eckart Tolle has to say:
…In other words, not your aims or your actions are primary, but the state of consciousness out of which they come. Fulfilling your primary purpose is laying the foundation for a new reality, a new earth. Ones that foundation is there, your external purpose becomes charged with spiritual power because your aims and intentions will be one with the evolutionary impulse of the universe.
And Tolle goes on saying that basically the purpose is to be fully present and in alignment with whatever you happen to be doing in this particular moment. Not looking into the future, nor thinking about the past.
Finding and living in alignment with the inner purpose is the foundation for fulfilling your outer purpose. It is the basis for true success. Without that alignment, you can still achieve certain things thought effort, struggle, determination, and sheer hard work or cunning. But there is no joy in such endeavor, and it invariably ends in some form of suffering.
Last couple of days I have being focusing on that. I find it hard sometimes, as I get distracted my situations, but it is so worth it.
One odd thing I have noticed, is that I actually find it strangely fulfilling sometimes to allow ego to take over. It is like at certain times I want to feel sorry for myself, I want to make those that have offended me or hurt my feelings, to know that I am offended. I even see it, I know it is ego, yet I still may choose to feel like a victim, to show that I am upset about what happened. Truly strange and weird as I it actually is satisfying emotion. I realise at those moments that what I am creating is not good, yet I do not feel like letting go. Yet on my spiritual journey, this path I must take.
I hope this all makes sense.