On Easter Sunday, I had the most profound and moving experience writing my morning pages. I ended up with six pages of longhand writing, and three of those I typed up word to word below, unedited. I am not a religious person, and for me to mention Jesus was very unexpected, especially it being Easter Sunday. I have heard that morning pages can be a very meditative experience, and that is precisely what happened here, totally unplanned, not thinking about what I am writing, just writing….so after three pages of this and that, here is what I came to write for three more pages (seems small, but my longhand is very generous)
…What do I want? Peace, just peace.
To be at peace with whom I am. To make peace with those who I discriminate against. To be at peace with what is happening. Good or bad. It is all okay. Not good or bad, just is.
At peace with my thoughts, my mind. When I discriminate in my thoughts, to be at peace with it, to be ok with it. When I discriminate in my actions, to be at peace with it, to be ok with it. To be at peace with those offending me or angry with me. To be ok with whatever they say or do, and just be at peace with it all.
I know I will react to things out of habit and I am okay with it, I am at peace with it. To be at peace is more than being happy. One can be happy out of someone else’s unhappiness. I got something and you did not, so I am happy.
Being at peace. Joy is not the same either. I am not sure one may remain in the state of joy when something bad is happening. But one can most definitely stay in the state of peace. To be at peace is easy when all is well.
Also not easy to be grateful in the midst of sadness. But it is entirely to just be at peace with it. Now I understand what people mean when they say, “I made my peace with it”- They are ok with whatever has happened, or whatever is happening. Peace, that is what I want. How do I get there? Just keep living the way I am, finding art in everything I do. Like my friend Collette said to me (she needs to write about it more). Every act is art, a miracle-when we breathe, eat, then eliminate. The art of every action, the art of living. Peace. Seeing art in every action is a good continuation of my journey.
Love – to be in love with everything, must be an entirely elevated level of being, I cannot even imagine it. Yes, I’ve had glimpses-like where I suddenly entered that incredible state of truly feeling deep love toward everyone and everything. Bad or good, mean or nice, ugly or beautiful. It does not last, but that I think is a whole new level. To love those torturing you, that is probably what Jesus felt. This has to be the highest level of enlightenment of a spiritual journey. Peace, I think is the one before.
To your health,
Image sources: http://www.turnbacktogod.com/jesus-resurrection-pictures/jesus-resurrection-pictures-07/